Reflections: Selling Everything and Leaving Home
Quiet restlessness
My journey started several years before I retired, when I realized that I was becoming more restless and wondering what the heck I would do when I retired, if I was already feeling this way.
Oftentimes, I chalked it up to boredom. But, I realize now that it was more about not feeling settled about what I wanted to do. I had no focus, other than the day-to-day things that I was currently doing; going shopping and bring home more things that I didn’t need was “entertainment” for me. That did not sit well with what I saw for my future. I felt like I no longer fit in my life. Time for a change!
Figuring it out
After much thought, I decided that I wanted to move to Portugal for a year, I figured that would give me something fun to do and give me space to try and figure out what I wanted to do long-term. I needed a new perspective. At this point, I had NO plans to sell everything and travel full-time.
Making a final decision
I discussed this decision with several friends and family. I watched lots of YouTube videos about Portugal; where to go, what do do and how to do it. I didn’t know what I would do long-term, but this seemed like a good fit for the immediate future.
But one day, a phone call from my friend Rosie, changed everything. She told me about a news story she saw about an older couple from California who had been on a trip, and when they arrived back at the US, they looked at each other and said, “We love to travel. Why don’t we just do this full-time?” Rosie thought I might be interested in this, and she was correct! At that moment, I pivoted and started researching what I would need to do to accomplish this (at the time, mind-blowing) feat. This mindset change set the wheels in motion, and it took about two years to accomplish.
Where do I start in get rid of stuff?
This part was pretty easy. There were many things that I could clear out of closets, bins and drawers that I was hanging onto even though I didn’t need them. So, I started there. I had plenty of time, so wasn’t too concerned about this part. And because I wanted to live in a comfortable home until I got closer to leaving, I waited until the last couple of weeks to dispose of some things. I sold, donated and gave stuff away.
What I realized was that by just starting this process, my decision started feel very real. Would I really be able to get rid of some of the things that were most important me? I knew that my books, photos, mementos and things that had belonged to my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents would be the most difficult to release. But, I knew it would eventually come down to that and, I hoped by that time, I would have gotten my head (and HEART) around letting things go to embrace experiences rather than possessions.
The practical overwhelm
Paperwork, logistics, downsizing – this sometimes could temporarily drain the romance from the dream. There were times when I wasn’t sure that I could get everything done in time. All I could do was take it a day at a time, and just click through my do-to list.
Where would I go first? What kind of Visa would I need? How would I get there? Where would my mail go? How would I get everything I needed into a carry-on and backpack? How would my phone work? Do I need vaccines? How will my insurance work? What were the best credit card’s and ATM cards to carry? What apps would I need for each country? The list went on…..and on! Thank goodness for Evernote! It helped me compile lists and keep everything organized.
Waves of doubt
YES, I had doubts. I would wake up in the middle of the night….and ask myself if I was being irresponsible. Was I was romanticizing my decision? What the heck I thought I was doing? Why would I want to travel the world alone? Could I do it?
I wondered if I was a bad grandma, mother, daughter, sister and friend, for just heading off and leaving everyone behind. I wondered if I would be able to handle everything that would get thrown at me. I wondered if traveling alone was even a safe idea. I could go on and on but, I think you get the picture. Most of the time I was just fine, but there were most certainly doubts and second-guessing.
Social reactions
I received many different reactions people. Some admired me and called me brave. Some worried that I would be safe. Some projected their own fears. But, my family and friends were behind me all the way, even those that didn’t understand why I would do this. Everyone wanted me to do what made me happy and do what I felt was right for me. These sentiments made it easier for me to do move forward.
I am often asked how I can leave my family, and especially my grandsons, behind. Honestly, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do this when the grandsons were little. They are growing into teenagers, and I’m thinking that it won’t be much longer before they can do some traveling with me. I miss them, but they have so many friends and interests that I don’t think they miss me as much as they would have when they were small. Also, it’s easy to connect with them via the phone and video.
Sorting through memories…the hardest part!
Objects become emotional time capsules. You’re not just packing — you’re revisiting versions of yourself. Some memories are happy, some are sad and many cause you to reexamine the life you thought you would have, rather than than the one you have. How would different choices have changed where I am today? I just have to believe that I made the best choice I could, with the knowledge I had at any given moment, and not worry about the past.
One of the most impactful things I discovered was that some of the things I was holding onto, like photos, would be something that two generations from now would not be important to anyone. Three generations from now, people would not even know my name. What became important was the memories of people and places that I carried in my heart rather than a physical representation of that memory or person.
And, as rooms emptied, and things I once thought important are either donated, passed on or given away, there was a growing lightness — visual and emotional. A weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I realized this gave me the freedom to go where I want, and do what I want.
The final walk-through
Standing in an empty space that once held your life can feel surreal — like stepping outside your own history. As I looked around my empty, echoing home, it felt like I was just moving to a new place, not like I was leaving my normal life. But, as I hauled my carry-on and backpack up the stairs for the last time, I knew that I was not just moving to a new place, I was moving to a new life. Pretty daunting!
Untethered….
That first night without a fixed home hit me like a sledgehammer. I spent the night with close friends, so that helped. But, it was overwhelming and frightening to think that I had made such a final decision; one that was not irreversible, but one that would be difficult to reverse.
Would I be able to do this? Would I get out there and decide that I had made a terrible mistake? What would starting over really look like? I was a “bit” scared and feeling very alone.
But, I knew in my heart that I had made the right decision, so I just got up the next morning and moved forward….to the airport, and to Bangkok!
Rewriting what security means
This was actually an easy transition for me. Security became less about walls and more about adaptability, savings, health, and self-trust. This involved shifting my focus from external fortifications to internal and personal resources.
Quiet confidence
At some point, I realized that I had dismantled a life and built another. That knowledge has changed me permanently. I have always been someone who is confident in myself and my abilities, but this step has taken my confidence to a new level. I don’t think there is much of anything I can’t do if I put my mind to it.
I have also become more grateful for the people in my life, and the stability and love that my parents provided. I am grateful for the continued support of my family and friends. I would not be where I am today without that loving and encouraging support. Forever grateful!
